A late Mothers Day blog.

This is going to seem like a bunch of jumbled stories piled together.

Which it is!

But they all tie in somehow. My mom is ridiculous. She's got a lot of odd qwerks but I'm going to tell you about my personal favorite.

Long ago, when I was about 13 we lived in an older house. Now, my room (that I shared with Aitch) had wood paneling on the back wall where our closets were and there were a few beams of dark wood against the white ceiling. I tell you all that to tell you this: there was a spider or a nest of spiders in that room that we could not kill (we tried everything!!) and it ate my legs to bits every night.

I even resorted to tucking my pants into my socks and tucking my shirt into my pants. No exposed skin for me! Still, all over my left leg and especially around my ankle I was covered in little red dots. Apparently, not only do spiders love me but my body hates them. I blew up like a balloon. Not to the point where I needed medical help, it doesn't stop my heart or anything. I just look gross.

I tell you that to tell you this: recently, because it is summer, my eczema started acting up worse than before. I had a small red bump on the crook of my arm. It got bigger and full of pus and then two more sprouted on my bicep and elbow. Imediately I thought it was spider bites, except the first one that popped up was different. Now, Miss Paranoid Jr: Shelf, insisted it was staph which aggravated Miss. Paranoid Sr: Mom. I was immediately taken to the doctors who said it might be staph, but looks more like spider bites. I'm on antibiotics anyway.

 Well they just get worse and worse, especially the first one. It turned out to be two pimples on top of each other and man did it get BIG. I squeezed it and drained it a little to try and take the pressure off, but it just got worse.

Here's where it gets weird... my mother is obsessed with popping zits. Like she will fight over it and beg and plead us to let her get our pimples. Well, her freaking dream has come true. These puppies are about to burst. She begged and begged and begged me and finally I just had enough of her incessant patter and my arm hurt really bad.

So she spends two days on the big nasty one on the crook of my arm. We finally got it completely drained and it's starting to heal. THANK GOODNESS! Well, the one on my upper arm just got worse and finally I let her have that one too, though I was convinced that it wasn't ready.

Well she held me down and got the "lid" off to get to the pus. It hurt like crazy! For some reason, when it's squeezed from the sides it's fine, but when it's squeezed from top to bottom it's just a huge amount of pain. Then, like a freaking ball out of a cannon the stupid thing exploded and pus shot 3 feet out. It was so freaking gross and I almost threw up. This was like an hour ago and the swelling is finally going down.

She is brutal. Don't let her get near you with a warm washcloth.

Happy belated Mothers Day!