You can totally read this post later...

I've never been a great student. Always B's and C's. Sometimes an A or two. But mostly B's.

I got grounded for C's.

And my middle and high school (hooray for K-12 private schooling) set up their grades A, B, C, F. No D!

You passed or you failed. And in my mother's eyes a C was failing.

Not to say I wasn't smart. I just didn't care.

Not to say I'm a genius... I never did understand statistics. I prettymuch faked it.

But if I would have just applied myself a little bit throughout my secondary education I could have had all A's easy-peasy.

Why didn't I care? That question haunts me still. Even in my third year of college, looking back at my first two years and my 2.8 GPA.

Ugh... Yeah.

My senior year of high school I watched too much MASH or something and decided I wanted to be in medicine. Well, I couldn't be a doctor cause I wasn't smart enough. I really wanted to be inside peoples bodies though.

Dirty.

Like a surgeon. But again, too much freaking school. So I decided I would be a nurse. Less schooling and I would still be able to be in the medical field.

It wasn't really my idea, my family suggested it to me and I just ran with it. And needless to say it didn't turn out so well. Microbiology and Anatomy kicked my derriere.

I felt pretty defeated. It just reinforced my knowledge of "I'm dumb".

No... I'm not dumb. I'm just lazy. I procrastinate so hard!

So upon the realization that I'm obviously not meant to be a nurse (who knew that you'd have to memorize things like bone and nerves?) I went back to my original idea to be a teacher.

I'd wanted to be a teacher since I was eight and had the COOLEST third grade teacher ever. Miss Bruthers. She rocked. And ever since then I wanted to teach elementary school.

That is until I had dreams of 1980 MASH units dancing in my head. I wanted to be Major Hotlips with those hott high-rise jeans that would accentuate my voluptuous hips.

So I went back to a teaching major but instead of snotty little kids, I'm opting for pimply overgrown non-adults.

I wish to teach high school english.

My favorite thing in the world is reading and what would be more fun than forcing others to read too??

All of that to say this:

I'm supposed to be writing a paper analyzing certain authors or works in early American Literature and

I. Don't. Wanna!

I have never ever completed an assignment before the night before it's due. Now, I've started projects thinking I could finally break the procrastination habit. Oh poor, young, naive me. I should know that as hard as I may want to try laziness is just way more fun.

Like I tweeted yesterday:


CarleyJoan 

  

I should probably do this paper... But there's so much internet I haven't seen yet!about 19 hours ago via web



Procrastination is a cruel, hard mistress. And yet i love her so.

And Red Neck Mommy is awesome and I can't get enough.

UGH! You have no idea how much I don't want to write this paper. It's one of those annoying research papers too where you have to have at least three sources sited and teachers have become smart and wikipedia doesn't count anymore.

Lame.

Though I'm totally going to freak out on my own future students if I even get a whiff of the wikipedia on a paper.

I'm going to make their papers bleed, as my high school english teacher would say.

Because of the red ink...? Oh, Y-You got it? Oh, Ok-Okay good.

I'm in three english classes this semester and my fourth class is drama so I read a lot of plays. That's a lot of reading, and don't get me wrong: I love it. But let's be honest, it's not always interesting. I mean Emerson and Thorearu back to back is rough.

And where it's fun and fancy free to be able to choose your own paper's topic, that's a lot of pressure. It's hard to decide what to write on let alone have enough to write 6-8 pages!! And now it's 6pm and I've hardly started.

Oh, I know what I want to write about. It's just a matter of organizing my thoughts which is easier said than done, says my therapist.

Essentially I want to write about Poe and his non-didactic and shallow, yet well written (selective) works, and compare that to Emily Dickinson who is also unnecessarily depressing and whose works are very meaningful and deep, but written much like a child throwing macaroni and glue on a piece of paper.

And unfortunately I can't write any of that in my actual paper because my teacher will make it bleed grey.

Cause he grades in pencil.

I don't understand why it's so painful to write sometimes.

One day I'll get some sort of high from writing a good paper. And others it's the most brutal thing ever! Like worse than stubbing my toe (and if you know me that's like the worst thing ever).

So instead I just do all the other stuff I've been procrastinating on.

Like writing blog posts.

Nothing like a bigger procrastination to nudge your little procrastinations right along.

The only thing that would get this paper done is having to fill out college applications.

Oy.